She walked by me with her smirk and a glare at the end of the day during dismissal, seeking attention; perhaps even some good-ole confrontation from an adult. A student that I have known for years for keeping her head down and rising far above and beyond expectations of academics and testing scores each year, yet now something different has occurred; she’s in 8th grade now with a month to go. The entire staff has noticed that throughout the year, this was a bit of an off year for her, and chalked it up under, “She’s just in count-down mode.”
As I glance over at her with suspicion, I notice what she wanted me to see; two fake “tear-drops” beneath her right eye made with markers. For those that do not know, this is a sign that is used for stature as evidence that they killed someone; each tear represents how many. Being the Dad too so many children at this school as I am, I appropriately filled the role with her. Immediately.
Take the lesson that was offered to you, and regroup for when the scenario reappears in camouflaged similarities.
Moments of reflection are a bit tricky to deal with, and I completely understand the hesitation by so many. You never want to enter a memory only to leave feeling worse than you entered. You need to be able to analyze, regroup, and strategize for the future to build on these opportunities. You don’t want to sit and grovel a bunch of “Poor Me’s,” or, “I’m a failure.” Take the lesson that was offered to you, and regroup for when the scenario reappears in camouflaged similarities.
We totally drove her to this point with our own desires for her to be great, not truly accepting her for her own greatness over the years.
We drove her to this point. Not intentionally of course, but we totally were the catalyst to the “Bad-Girl” sensation that she has succumbed to. We drove her so hard to excel in every subject; we separated her from kids that were not showing similar efforts to meet expectations. We actively held her on a pedestal above her peers where she was constantly getting awards, praise, and even used in front of others as the model student; “Why can’t you just be more like her?” We totally drove her to this point with our own desires for her to be great, not truly accepting her for her own greatness over the years.
Now, she had enough of that crap, she wanted peers. She wanted acceptance, not praise. She wanted someone to care, not coddle. She wanted to have the opportunity to stumble on her own and pick herself back up. She wanted her own life to live with us guiding not pushing. She wanted lax.
Buzzwords in education are a funny little trend that comes and goes by the decades. They stem from intense research, cultural shifts in society and political influences. Countless professional developments have been created, books have been written claiming to have the answers, and even more research, more data, and more observations continue to flow around these buzzwords.
What they don’t have is a choice in how to learn, what to learn or even the path of learning.
Rigor: the quality of being extremely thorough, exhaustive, or accurate. Rigor drives me insane in the classroom. Over twenty students, all with different learning styles with different socio-economic backgrounds, different family dynamics, and different cultural influences, yet we must increase the students’ rigor. Exactly whose rigor are we raising it to? Furthermore, why do students have to show “high rigor” towards everything? Have you ever shown that level of intensity, towards everything you do? It would be absolutely exhausting! Students have enough rigor. Look how they can multi-task and cross-communicate with any social media platform, let alone with multiple social-media platforms. They can eat, talk, text, and watch a video at the same time. They have rigor. What they don’t have is intrinsic motivation towards education. What they don’t have is meta-cognitive opportunities to discover, grow, and feel challenged. What they don’t have is a developed sense of self-efficacy in their own abilities. What they don’t have is a choice in how to learn, what to learn or even the path of learning. Once these opportunities present themselves to our students, expect more of the same.
Slowly but surely we are on the precipice of schools and districts beginning to consider the student with a holistic, mindful approach to learning. We are seeing these baby-steps taking place dotted throughout the country. From flexible seating, school hours altering or even provided as a choice to the early-birds or sleepers, and even some alternative curriculum opportunities where students can gain a better perspective on the roadmap they need to take to achieve their goals.
We cannot drive our students away from us due to our own expectations; we need to provide ourselves as guides on the crazy safari journey of school and life. We cannot drive them away because of our crazy helicopter tactics, hovering over their every move; it’s coddling, and they run and hide from it. Let them explore, and make sure that they understand that you are there for them to help them up when they stumble, fall, or even stop. They are our children.